This was one of those pivotal moments I thought only happened in books or movies. An exact moment in time where you can pinpoint when something changed, when you knew that you would never look at things the same way.  When I opened up that cabinet under the sink and saw boxes and boxes of S Curl texturizer my emotions went from my mouth hanging open in shock to hysterical laughter to tears . I knew then that I had been looking at things through the wrong lens and while it was initially jarring, this experience provided me with a teachable moment that has served me well as I moved forward through life. Let me walk it back…..

A few weeks earlier I had received a phone call from an unknown number that had called several times  in a row before I finally picked up. An unfamiliar voice informed me that my husband was having an affair with a woman at his job,taking trips with her and bringing our 3-year-old daughter to her house. Apparently the woman calling worked there too and knew of me and felt it was her moral obligation to call me and let me know. I still think it was the woman he was seeing using a fake accent or one of her friends but I’ll never know and it really doesn’t matter. I’m skipping over a ton here but the end result was me filing for divorce. He had gotten his own “bachelor pad” and I was cleaning out any remnants that he left behind. Lucky for me the texturizer discovery came before the worst of the discoveries and believe me it got worse than a fake ass s-curl. We had had conversations in the past in which he proudly proclaimed that he had a “good grain” of hair and chuckled about it. His hair didn’t matter to me at all or have any factor in me deciding to marry him but it was something he was very proud of.

As I sat there in shock, surrounded by empty boxes of Duke and Lusters, in disbelief that this man had been lying about something so inconsequential as his hair texture it hit me that none of this was about me. Before the texturizer discovery I had been looking at this the whole situation through the lens of my ego. ” How could he do this to me? , How could this happen to me?, What did I do to deserve this?, How could not have seen this coming, Why didn’t I ever check under his side of the sink before?” In that moment, I realized just how many prior red flags I had ignored and realized that this was who he’d always been. It was never about me. This whole thing really had nothing to do with me.  That’s when the uncontrollable laughter began. I was struck by the hilarity of it all…. there was no way I was gonna let a dude who was secretly chemically altering his hair make me question myself anymore. Then the tears began because it wasn’t just about me. We had a daughter together and although things had come into focus for me, she was a little girl who loved her daddy and I was sad about the fact that everything was changing for her in ways she was too young to fully understand.

I threw out the empty boxes and got on with the planning of this new altered vision for my life with a new understanding. When subsequent discoveries came, much more troubling than texturizer, I was able to navigate with a clearer head. In no way am I saying that I never again felt pain, anger , sadness or even disbelief but I had stopped relating everything back to me. Honestly, I had little time to consider the why’s or how’s, and even less time to attend the pity party. I had a mortgage that was going unpaid, a daughter in private school, a divorce attorney charging billable hours and one income. The texturizer moment allowed me to separate myself from what was happening to me. I stopped taking things so personally and was able to move forward in a matter of fact way. I’d be lying if I said I never again took anything personally from that point forward but there was a major change in perspective from the time I sat surrounded by empty boxes of texturizer laughing and crying like a crazy person.

2 thoughts on “Texturizer

  1. what a shit show! all the client you screwed while you were married and your really out here talking wish like some saint. Stripper have several seats.


  2. Maybe it’s time you get exposed for all your “HOE” activities. How dare you come to my city from New York being a tramp ass Bitch. You “Sapphire” reject. Why didn’t you talk about your DUI’s? (public record). How your dad’s a coon, and how neither you or your pappy are no longer invited to the cookout? You’ll never be a full blown “Beautiful Black Queen” like the one you’re hating on because your Blood is diluted with cave monkey blood! You’re bitter, unattractive, uneducated, insecure, nappy headed, a bad parent, unforgiving, and you have major entitlement issues. Girl it’s like you’ve got that nasty taste in your mouth that surrounds your foul wicked evil tongue, that reaches down your hoe throat! You know that second fuck hole you have? Give up your gossiping habit for a gratitude habit. That man don’t want you no more!! When someone walks away and doesn’t look back, show yourself just a little of self respect and move on. How are you going to win when you’re not right within? Don’t attack peoples loved ones honey! This is not a threat it’s a WARNING!!!! Take your ratchet ,poor, incompetent foolishness elsewhere. I don’t feel bad for you, because you really don’t know who you really are. You’re just pretending. I so glad the Texturized Man is living a life full of BEAUTY, LOVE, PROSPERITY, JOY, ABUNDANCE,& to top it off a BEAUTY FAMILY! WIN WIN WIN! He’s been winning so long its like alchemy man! God is Blessing him! God did that!! Lol!!! It’s sad that in your mind you think because you didn’t name drop, you still think it’s okay to publish your bitter pain! Ok so you published it, now what? He’s still happy in love and their never ever gonna breakup. Girl their going to die together. They even purchased tomb stones together! Get a life of your own, because this time babygirl you lost!! LOSE LOSE LOSE GAMEOVER!!! Focus on being a better parent. And please go get your boobs down because their hanging a lot. Like to the floor!! They hang low like some double dutch titties. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. And you’re aging rapidly. Thats because God don’t like the ugly in you!!! You’re hurting anyone, you just wanted a reaction! Oh and by the way this isn’t them its me! If you don’t believe me email me. P.S. Their constituents know you, so just imagine their reaction to the truth exposed in the upcoming chronicles Coming soon to a blog near you!!!


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