Don’t take anything personally. It’s the second agreement from Don Miguel Ruiz’s classic book The Four Agreements. Ruiz writes “Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally…Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds…Taking things personally makes you easy prey for these predators.”
In other words it ain’t about you boo! We all have the propensity to hate on someone else. It’s not often a real hate for another, it’s just a bit of envy or a splash of jealousy. As women we tend to compare ourselves to each other and we all know comparison is the thief of joy. Maybe you feel slighted, or you haven’t tuned in to the fact that you are projecting some insecurities outward onto others. Whether it’s throwing a slight bit of shade or spewing full on hatefulness, here are 10 things to do before you make that shady comment, type that nasty text or badmouth someone. Like most things, it could just be a matter of prioritizing self care!
- Drink a big glass of water – You may just be dehydrated sis! Sit yourself down with at least 10 oz of water and see if that shadiness doesn’t pass you by.
- Grease your scalp – Again, dehydration…no one is nice when their scalp is itching up underneath a weave, wig, or protective style. Go head and put some tea tree oil on there and see if you feel better.
- Read a book- Maybe you’re too caught up in your own life, your wheels are turning nonstop and you just need a brief distraction. When those twitter fingers start itching try picking up a novel and get lost in someone else’s story.
- Have an Orgasm- You may just need some good quality D. If there’s none available, take matters into your own hands, but walking around with pent up sexual frustration is guaranteed is sure to bring the pettiness out of you. Handle that.
- Meditate- Sometimes we just need to silence the inner chatter. The inner voices that tell us we are not enough, that people are out to get us, that that we are undeserving. When we have a clear channel to connect to the Most High, we can recognize our own divinity and use our energy to express gratitude as opposed to using it to tear down someone else.
- Take a shit- No really. When all you feel like doing is talking shit it might be because you’re full of it!
- Admire yourself- Sit down in front of the mirror and really take a good, hard, long look. Spend time exploring and admiring your most beautiful features. Get so caught up in self-love and appreciation that your mind doesn’t even have space to consider the next chick and what she is or isn’t doing.
- Go for a run- You may just have a lot of stagnant energy you are holding on to. Sometimes you need to move things through your body. Get that ass up and jog. Get some endorphins pumping and watch all those insecure feelings fade away.
- Spend some time in nature- Admire God’s creations. The majestic sunset, the birds in flight, the ocean waves….it’s harder to hate when you are in a space of admiration for all living things.
- Count your blessings- Everybody is #blessed right? Don’t just hashtag it, embody it. How can you be counting #blessingsonblessings and still be concerned about anything anyone else is doing?
- having or showing a modest or low estimate of ones own importance.
No ma’am. I happen to think I am very important. I think very highly of myself and I think you should too. I’m not perfect or above reproach. I am flawed in many ways but I most certainly don’t have a low estimate of my own importance. I think we need to change the way we view being humble. I think you should feel yourself, big yourself up and not be afraid to let the world know that YOU know that you are the shit. We all have good days and bad days but to be aware of and remain in gratitude for your own light and divinity…..that goes a long way. I believe in being proud and celebrating yourself fully, even when/if nobody else does.
- My life doesn’t have any more or less value than another human being
- Be kind to all humans I come into contact with
- Understand that there is always something I can learn from someone
- Being good at something doesn’t make me the sole authority on it
- Use my gifts, skills, talents for good not to deceive or get ahead at the expense of others
These are the values I hold tight to. As long as I never lose sight of them I am perfectly comfortable telling the world how highly I think of myself, and I think you should be too.
“You are always a valuable worthwhile human being not because anybody says so, not because you’re successful, not because you make a lot of money but because you decide to believe it and for no other reason”- Wayne Dyer
If only I had a dollar for every time someone told me “I would love to come to your classes but I can’t dance”. I’d like to clear up the misconception that dance class is only for those who have dance experience. There is something powerful and healing about moving in time to music, moving in unison with other people and learning how to control your body in ways you never thought you could. You don’t need experience in a class setting to enjoy that.
I get that social media has changed how we view dance classes. We only see the very end of class where people are killin’ it. The “For the Gram” version where the lighting is perfect, the angles are poppin’ and everyone has full command of the choreography. What we are really seeing on our news feeds and timelines is a performance in a class setting. We see nothing about the actual learning process. Now don’t get me wrong I can get into to that. At the end of my Twerk N Burn class I usually record a version “For the Gram” and want it to be as live and on point as possible. It feels good to slay the choreo and have those “Yassss Bitch!” moments. As an instructor it’s good promotion for what I’m offering. However, I’ve come to realize that as a teacher, while I love seeing students fully absorb the movement and show out, it gives me more joy to see something click for the person who just came to support their friend, the woman who walked in shy and unsure or the person who doesn’t give a damn about the steps and is just basking in the good energy!
I’ve been a student of dance for 33 years and I know what it’s like to not get it. To not be in the “good group”, to fumble across the floor and be completely lost. When you are training at a certain level those moments are bound to happen. But many people who come to adult dance classes aren’t necessarily training. They just want to have fun and improve. I’ve started to create more class spaces that are rooted in that vibe because I’ve realized how important it is to make dance more accessible to people regardless of their level of experience. I don’t think my gift is taking trained dancers and elevating them to an elite level, it’s bringing out the best in people who just want to move.
Dance has been such an outlet for me my whole life. It strengthens the body, sharpens the mind and helps keep me youthful. There is an abundance of quality adult classes in Austin to experience. Find the instructors you vibe with and take a few classes. Everyone ought to experience the stress release, mind-body connection and enormous confidence boost that comes with taking a dance class. You don’t have to be a dancer to live the dance life!