Most of us are unknowingly moving through life making choices not based on what we truly feel in the moment but based on our programming or what we feel we “should” choose based on our inclination to define ourselves. I find myself doing it all the time. “I’m a foodie and I want the most interesting thing on the menu!, I’m a dancer and I always stand in the front of the class! I’m a mother, I should change the station when curse words come on!” But sometimes I just want the chicken, sometimes I just want to hide out in the back of a dance class, and deep inside I know that curse words in rap songs aren’t going to be detrimental to my child in the long run. I make these choices based on the different roles that I play and the expectations that come with them. I have had to really check myself on several occasions because I’m not one to change direction mid-course. If I tell my daughter to change the station, I’m not turning it back. If I order the most delicious sounding interesting thing on the menu I’m not gonna flag the waiter down to order the damn chicken. Chalk it up to stubbornness I guess, but I have ended up dissatisfied because I didn’t choose what I really wanted in that moment.
That’s why I feel it’s important to sometimes forget it all and do wtf you want! To others that may look like you’re wilin’ out because it’s a different action than what people have come to expect of you but so what? One of the best thing I love about teaching dance is the liberation. Seeing people come in with friends or co-workers who are completely surprised when the quiet shy one who doesn’t really go out comes down the soul train line, busts a full split and starts twerking like she’s getting paid for it. When people can leave behind their roles and expectations and do what feels natural and good it’s beautiful.
There is something exhilarating about doing something you thought you’d never do. It’s powerful to make a mindful choice, one that’s based purely on the present moment. I jumped in the ocean to snorkel last year for the very first time and I seriously considered the consequences. What if I got bit or freaked out? I was terrified! This was something clearly on the “Things Lily doesn’t do” list. I did freak out just a little bit but more importantly I mentally threw away that list. Lily does whatever the hell she wants. There are no more lists. I will no longer place limitations on what I can experience.
The photo for this post came out of one of those moments. We were shooting in a very sparsely populated nightclub in the middle of the day and the photographer was getting some great shots. There was a moment where I thought, “there’s hardly anybody in here, I’m about to take my shirt off and get behind the bar “. If I had still had my lists this one would’ve been titled “Why you don’t need to this ” and would’ve read – You are 37 years old, not some 21 year old at Mardi Gras, you are a mother, you don’t need to sell sex, you don’t even really like your boobs, you’ll be embarrassed if someone walks up and makes a comment, what’s the point you won’t actually use this photo anyway…blah blah blah.I turned all of that off. It was fun and spontaneous and those are qualities I want in my life so I took the damn picture.
Why the hell not?
Photo: Tia Boyd